February 2018 Shopping Reflections

So this was an huge shopping month, especially for total dollars spent. I also have, er, a few online orders in the pipeline, so I suspect that next month will also not be a low-spending, low-shopping month. I've maybe been a little too focused on getting "joy" out of the items I buy, and not enough on budget and other limits. Going forward, I'll try to rein it in because it's starting to feel a bit much, but my efforts may not be fully apparent until April, at the earliest.

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The good and reasonable shopping news is that my search for new skinny jeans is complete. The choice came down to two pairs of mid-rise, dark wash Gap skinny jeans in petite lengths, the one I picked, or one that was cheaper, with slightly lower cotton content, but that also had more flattering fading. In the end, I picked the more expensive pair, partially because of the fabric content, but mainly because there was something a little off about the front pockets on the other pair, with the white fabric lining always threatening to peek out.

For a while after I bought my previous pair of skinny jeans, which were also my first ever designer jeans (from Rag & Bone, similar), I felt that it was totally worth it to have stepped up so dramatically in price from previous pairs (always from Uniqlo). I thought the Rag & Bone jeans miraculous because they never seemed to stretch out enough to sag between washes, a huge issue with past pairs of Uniqlo skinny jeans. It seems that I must eat my words a bit, because the Gap skinny jeans also don't sag noticeably on me between washes. It's also nice that they're petite length, as I never quite got around to hemming the Rag & Bone pair in the two years I owned them. 

Fashion - (TOTAL: $ 755.49)

• Coach Rogue, dark denim - *$605.89 - (color no longer available online, full price in other colors) This was the big ticket item of the month, and hopefully of the entire year. I decided to get this instead of the Mansur Gavriel large tote that was on my shopping wish list, though it's an entirely different bag in many ways. Among other things, the Rogue doesn't accommodate a 13'' laptop or 8.5''x11'' notebooks, so it's not the work bag I had in mind. I'm a longtime Coach fan, but had not been interested in the new designs introduced since Stuart Vevers took the helm in 2013. I could appreciate that he was doing something interesting and new , but it was generally a bit too edgy or "young" for me. Then I saw someone on the street carrying the Rogue in this exact colorway, as a tote, rather than by the top handles, and I was enamored. Within days, I'd gone to Coach in Soho (after first visiting Mansur Gavriel to see if I should stick with my original shopping plan instead), and when I saw this on sale for only a little more than it would cost used on eBay, I bought it. I've carried it to work every weekday since. 
• Mid-Rise True Skinny Jeans in 360 Stretch, dark indigo - $68.00 - I found that all of the petite Gap jeans I tried this time ran a little smaller than the stretchier designer jeans I was trying on around the same time. I'm often a 27, but am solidly a 28 petite in all of Gap's varieties. The fabric is also a bit stiffer and has noticeably less "give" and stretch than anything else I tried, though most of those other jeans ended up having less than 90% cotton. The Gap skinnies that were a dark wash all over, with no fading, were the stiffest pair of the lot. Because Gap petite skinny jeans fit the best (the Rag & Bones in an ankle length were the next best thing, but with very low cotton content), it was an easy choice. Their petite length is maybe a touch longer than my perfect length, but that's ultimately a negligible issue. 
• Fossil Mini Tab Wallet - *$27.00 - Sadly, this is sold out at the sale price I got through Nordstrom Rack. I've been in the market for other card cases on and off for a while, ever since I realized how much I loved my Kate Spade Saturday one (long discontinued). This accordion-style card case is quite different, but I thought it might also have a good amount of space, more than most other card cases on the market. Plus, I liked that it was pink, and each slot is a different shade. This does have good capacity, but because the zip compartment in back is too small for anything more than two to three folded-up bills, it's not as functional as my old card case. It's pretty close, though! I'll be switching between this and the Kate Spade Saturday one. 
• Bloomingdales Pop Top Cashmere Mitten - $54.60 - (exact color no longer in stock, similar by Kate Spade in wool) Although my super cheap-y tech-friendly gloves from Uniqlo (I wear men's size M) keep my hands warm enough, they weren't functioning as intended because I couldn't wake up my phone with the gloves on. (Once the phone was awake, I could use it with the gloves just fine.) Thus, I've been in the market for pop top convertible  mittens for a while, and ended up getting these. In hindsight, these may not be the best value. As with most cashmere, it's a bit pill-y and the pop-top means it's not as warm as traditional gloves. But because I'm not that picky about gloves and don't need much, I'll be happy to use these, and likely won't be tempted to get another pair. 

* Indicates that price includes sales tax.

How is your shopping year going so far? Any other longtime Coach fans here, and if so, any thought about Vevers's work? People were kind enough to leave many helpful recommendations for other jeans when I first wrote about my search (thank you!), so be sure to check out the comments there if you're in the market for jeans of various kinds. 

Friday Link List: Mostly Money Talk

K and I recently had dosas at Pongal, which we enjoyed! Eva Chen recently went to the same restaurant in one of her Instagram stories, which made me feel cool. 

I'm a bit taken aback by how quickly this month is rushing by, as January felt so slow! It's been a productive month. I got that last root canal done, filed my taxes, and have kept up my workout routine. I also shopped a lot this month, ack, most of it in the form of a new bag. I'm not too worried yet because my budget is ultimately rather flexible at this stage of my life (fear not, all my financial goals are well taken care of), though I may start feeling like I'm overdoing it soon if I keep it up.

One thing I've been having fun with recently is watching K play Persona 5. We're homebodies on weekday evenings, and usually for part of each weekend. All those long hours at work really catch up with us! Although he's a bit more extroverted than I am, we enjoy hanging out quietly together at home, often with him on the PS4 and me on my laptop, browsing blogs or writing. It's quite different in style from the "open world" games he typically plays, and it's a little easier to follow the plot while half paying attention. It's a quirky, stylish game. 

1. // I was happy that my post about the first designer handbag I ever fell in love with, the Miu Miu Coffer (not one of the enduring classics), generated a lot of interesting discussion. On a related note, I also wanted to link to some of the online discussions regarding that recent Harper's Bazaar piece about how women generally get shamed far more than men for anything they spend money on, whether big or small. 

It's a topic that's long been near and dear to my heart, though it's complicated. On the one hand, I'm always upset by sexist double standards. On the other hand, I feel like many types of marketing, particularly social media "influencer" marketing, is geared towards encouraging women in particular towards excessive consumption and materialism (points made by others here and here). Then I think about the latter issue some more, and get depressed about all the expectations placed on women in terms of maintaining physical appearance, and how it's essentially "necessary" to spend a lot on those things every year... Ugh. 

2. // Racked does some really interesting articles. I really related to this article that was essentially about guilt and a touch of "imposter syndrome" regarding expensive designer purchases, though as I mentioned over at Michelle's blog, I come at the topic from a slightly different place. There was also this interesting historical article about one of the women from "murderesses row" in 1920s Chicago.

Speaking of financial anxiety and guilt over expensive purchases, whether large or small, Bitches get Riches has done several great entries about how to deal with those feelings, including here and here.  

3. // Legal industry gossip time! In recent weeks, there was a set of extremely high-profile partner departures from a prominent biglaw firm (one that solely practices litigation, which is unusual). This by itself isn't too surprising, as individual partners, and sometimes entire practice groups, move between firms often. It's maybe a bit more atypical for a whole slate of high-profile partners to leave together to start their own small firm. At any rate, this caused some serious "reply all" email drama.

4. // Almost everything I'm talking about this week is to do with money. Luxe did a great post about how to pick funds to invest in through a workplace retirement plan. She does a good job covering all the things I keep an eye out for. Alas, I don't get to do this with my current 401(k) plan. 

In terms of other, not as directly money-related, recent blog entries that I enjoyed recently: Style Dtour did a good roundup of some recent internet discussions about skincare, which was ignited by a rather clickbait-y piece claiming that all skincare is a con. Jess at A Thinking Animal did a fun analysis about the economics of knitting. 

MM. LaFleur: Showroom Experience and Brand Impressions

Several months ago, I visited a MM. LaFleur showroom. I'd been intrigued by their marketing for ages (and no wonder, as I'm their target customer), despite my general skepticism about startup brands offering a subscription box-type service as a way to shop. During a showroom visit, they assign a stylist/salesperson to help you out one-on-one. I stayed there for an hour, and tried on several styles: At least seven dresses, two pants, two skirts, five tops, and two "jardigans".

First, before I get to photos and reviews of the two items I bought, I have some general thoughts about MM. LaFleur as a brand. Ethical production practices are not a focus, but some of their items (including the Toi dress) are made in New York. My Didion top was made in Vietnam. Pricing is, by almost any imaginable standard, extremely expensive, even with my robust and flexible budget as a private-sector attorney. Most dresses are well over $200 and tops are well over $100.

My biggest issue with MM. LaFleur, especially at the price point, is their predilection for unlined dresses. Only two of seven dress designs I tried were lined (the Toi, which is always lined, and a printed Etsuko, though solid colors are unlined). I get unusually grouchy about unlined dresses, although I have a few that look just fine. I feel strongly that linings serve a useful purpose, helping almost any dress (particularly more fitted sheathes, like MM. LaFleur commonly offers) lie more smoothly over the body. The lack of lining, combined with the fitted designs, generally resulted in those dresses showing the "lumps and bumps" in my figure in an unflattering way. Admittedly, my currently ~37.5''-27''-37'' figure is just too busty for most of their designs regardless. I had obvious fit issues with my closest size in every dress I tried outside of the Toi, Etsuko, and super-flowy Georgia, enough that I'd never consider spending more on a tailor to fix it (think bra lines showing through unlined fabric and every single soft, squishy spot of my back getting emphasized), and the lack of lining really emphasized that.

Another issue is the lack of petite sizing. I may be off base here, because I'm often terrible at choosing between regular and petite sizes for myself, and can't always figure out the line between "intentionally oversized chic" and "this doesn't fit". I generally feel that, when one looks through MM. LaFleur Instagram tags or even some posts on their blog, many looks seem to not be the best fit on shorter women. (I.e. this jacket-dress hybrid on an employee, the first skirt in this post, many looks here, or a few of the customer photos here.) I can't always pinpoint why I feel this, as most of the skirts and dresses look about knee-length, covering part (but not all) of the kneecap, in most of these photos, which happens to be the exact length I usually wear. I suppose I just wonder if, given MM. LaFleur's lofty price point, shorter women have better options that would be a better value.

I also ordered a third item, the Saint Ambroeus Jardigan (a cropped style that suits petite-height people far better than the longer Woolf Jardigan). I returned it because a dry clean-only sweater just isn't for me. While it's supposed to function like a blazer, in which case the dry clean-only restriction might be acceptable, I thought it looked too obviously cardigan-like to fill the jacket/blazer niche in my work wardrobe. Sure, the fabric is more structured than any other cardigan I've seen, but that isn't enough to make it pass for a blazer!

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Please follow the link below for photos and reviews of the two items I bought.

Sunday Reading: The Messy Intersection of Money and Family Law

Given the stage of life I'm in, it's downright silly for me to expound at length about my views of family law and marriage. As someone yet unmarried and childless, if I said anything particularly opinionated, I'd essentially just be asking - nay, demanding - that real life intervene to make an absolute fool of me. That sure doesn't stop me, though. As usual, nothing in this post constitutes legal advice. 

When I read Jamie Seaton's essay on Buzzfeed about the dramatic transformation in her apparent financial status that resulted from her divorce, and how that paralleled her experiences as a child of divorced parents with their own dramatic financial disparity, I was, for no discernible reason, entirely transfixed. Although the topic is quite serious, and the bare facts inherently do not paint her ex-husband in a positive light, I personally thought she was evenhanded and honest, matter-of-fact rather than self-pitying, and far more generous to her ex-husband than he likely deserved. Overall, I liked the piece, and sympathized, though reasonable minds differ greatly on this, and it turns out to have been extremely polarizing. 

P.S. before formulating an opinion, it's best to read Seaton's other published essays about the end of her marriage, one tabloid-y piece about her immediate post-divorce finances and a more gentle essay about co-parenting with her ex. My opinion changed after reading both pieces. My initial feeling, that he'd nickel and dimed her to an unsavory degree in the settlement, to the detriment of his children, turned out to be wrong. There appears to be a provision that penalizes her on spousal support if her monthly earnings dropped below a certain amount, which seems to me unnecessarily draconian to an ex-spouse that worked throughout the marriage. Even if spousal support serves a different purpose than child support, I don't think it uncontroversial to assume that most economically less powerful ex-spouses with primary custody spend most of their income on things directly affecting their children's quality of life, especially at the cutoff they set.

As it turns out, her ex-husband likely didn't nickel and dime her much at all. Instead, it appears that he controlled their finances, and he was really very bad at it, insisting on a house they could not afford and keeping her in the dark about their credit card debt. He most likely didn't have much money after all, and unless he's dramatically changed the way he handles it, he likely still doesn't. (Her ex's money management reminds me of this dude.) Among other things, she came out of the divorce with $16,000 in marital credit card debt that should, I think, ultimately be considered "his fault" because he controlled the purse strings.

And yes, some might say not to believe everything someone writes, though I feel like Seaton admits to enough that isn't flattering about herself - her extreme youthful fixation on designer clothes to buy the appearance of status - that I'm not skeptical. I certainly trust her perception, writing, and understanding of money far more than that of the writer behind that uncomfortable New York Times "Modern Love" piece on prenuptial agreements, for instance. (That person sounded really bad at money, her then-fiancee was reasonable in his demand for a prenuptial agreement, but callous in his handling of it and may, to my non-expert eyes, have created unnecessary risks to the contract's enforceability.) 

When it comes to stories like this, whether just about money or about the messy intersection of family matters and money, I often find people's varying reactions more interesting than the pieces themselves. Because most of my friends are not into talking about these things every time I have a link to share, I end up relying on internet comments sections to get my discussion fix. I know, I know, internet comments sections are often pointless and toxic, but still! There was a lot to unpack here, plenty more fuel for strong, visceral reactions than in most money-related personal essays, and that's really saying something. (Among other things, from my experiences living in Hong Kong, I'm always ready to raise my eyebrows about expat lifestyles in Asia.) I was actually pleasantly surprised by the relatively evenhanded and calm comments on Buzzfeed, given that the money subreddits I follow, though well-moderated and generally reasonable, have left me with a sense that everyone's ready to accuse a woman, particularly one who generally earned less than her husband, of being a freeloading, gold-digging mooch, even when it's absolutely not true. 

That's not to say all the reactions were reasonable. One top-appearing comment excoriated her for failing to open her own secret savings account "just in case", which seems iffy. While I would never personally agree to a marital money arrangement that left me without a checking and savings accounts solely in my name, even if the amounts retained in it are relatively nominal, plenty of people out there maintain fully joint accounts and shared finances. Another follow-up comment to that "secret savings account" comment, rather a non-sequitur, was eager to declare how their own single mother did it so much better than Seaton by "working full time and sacrificing to provide for her family", which it's clear that Seaton actually is doing, so that was super weird. One other top comment was about how all of Seaton's wealthy friends (I suppose from earlier days in that wealthy Connecticut suburb or the high-flying expat community) should have given her financial help, which seemed to me an extremely strange thing to take away from the article. Normal people generally don't ask non-family members for money, right? 

Anyway, I'm a total weirdo with my strangely intense interest in these topics. I suppose I just really enjoy financial voyeurism. Seaton's essay was part of a Buzzfeed collaboration with the Death, Sex, and Money podcast, and they came up with some really interesting essays that are worth a read.